Who knows what this day will bring but it is 00:36 and I'm excited. Why am I excited? Because I feel satisfied and maybe that's just a momentary thing but I feel satisfied. I feel like I'm normal. Normal isn't something that I feel normally. Maybe I should feel alone sitting downstairs in my aunt's basement, alone watching missed television shows on Hulu and movies on Netflix. Maybe I should feel sad or afraid of what is in front of me as far as my future. Most of the time I would but tonight, I'm content, satisfied, and happy. I can say I am going to bed with a smile on my face which hasn't happened in 9 months.
It amazes me how many people need to grow up and take charge of their lives and realize that there are so many more big problems out there. I'll admit I needed to grow up. I was immature, unknowing, and selfish in a sense that I was selfish because I didn't care to see more in the world. People can blind you, relationships can fog your sense of thinking, and friendships can steer you in different ways. In the past two years I have grown up by about 10 years. I feel like I have a new sense of self, world, and wanting. I have said for the past several posts that I'm ready for the next part of my life and I feel like it really has started. I have seen who my friends are and who they will be and I've realized who I shouldn't have in my life and even met some people who made me realize that's not what I want. I'm still waiting for that Mr. Right to come around but I have time, and I want time. I want time to make sure that they're the right person. I have a lot to give to people and I want to make sure that for once I'm getting what I deserve back. I'm no longer in a self-pity mode, lonely feeling, or needy. I'm ready to be open and accept what gets handed to me. I value the things my parents have taught me and the morals that I grew up with. I'm ready to make another life change and really lose some bad habits and lose some of the bad life choices I have chosen in the past.
People can pick on those who are Catholic or those who grow up in a stricter Catholic family but I'm glad I did. Not to say my parents are strict at all now days but there was discipline and love and my roots are what made me the person I am today. My family and my faith have helped me get through the tough news, the good news, and the decisions I have had to make in my life. I thank God for the health of my family and for maintaining the health of my mom. I thank my family for making me a strong person and making me independent. In the words of my mother, "I just want you girls to be independent and not depend on some man". Well mom, I can officially say I am that independent woman, and I have had to learn how to be that after leaning on someone or others for some time. I want to be happy for the rest of my life and I know there will be plenty of hard times and plenty of sad times, but I want to see the good in everything and I certainly do try.
Life has so many crazy things that happen and while sometimes it drives me nuts I've learned that no matter what I will get over wanting things that I know I can't or probably won't have, I will have something good come my way, I will have something go wrong, and that I will still come out on the other side.
No comments:
Post a Comment