As I am lying in bed praying to fall asleep, which was clearly unsuccessful, I think back to the beginning of the year, September 2010. I was moving in with a new roommate, I had a boyfriend, My life was on the right track, everything seemed in place and slowly as the year went on everything seemed to unravel. From that unraveled thread something new was made and my life is where I want it to be. But I sit in bed thinking about how difficult it was for me to break down all of my walls and give in and finally say that I'm open to let someone in and new opportunites in. I remember the exact moment that first happened at the end of summer 2010.
Driving home from work at 11:00 pm on a Saturday night I was crossing the bridge back to MN and I decided, what do I have to lose, what can I possibly get myself into other than something good by finally letting someone in. So I called that person and everything seemed good. I was the happiest I ever was when I returned to the cities on Sunday and that morning I opened the door to a man with flowers and I gave him the biggest hug ever because I felt relieved for once in my life to not feel like I was letting myself nor someone else down. I was ready to be happy. Turns out the flowers were "I messed up flowers" which translated into "I cheated on you, but I want to be with you". Wow my world was turned upside down and had been up until April 2011. I'm finally back 100%, fully charged and ready to go. I realize the mistakes I've made in the past and I realize the mistakes that I've let others make in the past. It's all different now. What is the point in waiting to let someone in. Well it probably is a good thing to be cautious but I'm going to trust my gut. My gut previously told me not to, which proved me right in the end but there have been plenty of chances where I said no, I can't. As of this moment it is I can. I am sick of saying no or I can't or sorry. I can is going to be a part of every aspect of my life. I'm ready to move on from the past, forgive those in my past, rekindle old frienships, make lots of new ones and be ready to accept everything that is thrown my way. I can make it through these three finals in the next twenty four hours and I will do it with good grades. I can make it through and see the end and I can get through the anxieties of graduation. There's a part of me sad that graduation will be without someone, that significant other to cheer me on, that can share it with but I have some of my closest friends there by my side and that makes me feel good. This makes me feel like I didn't completely mess up parts of my life. I have great friends and I know that on Saturday at 7:30 I will be walking out along side of them amongst many other acquaintances and I will make it through to the otherside happier than ever! I'm greatful for some of my greatest friends who will be there watching and supporting because they know my fears for that day. I can't thank them enough for everything they have done for me. I just hope that I have given some of that back and can continue to do that for them in the future. Bring it on Summer 2011, we are ready for you and have been waiting for sometime. What's the goal? To have an even better summer than the last!
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