Bath Time

It's been a while since I've written.  I feel like in a matter of 20 days my entire life has changed courses.  I officially want to go on to receive my masters for Nursing and then go on to become a DNP.  I just know that I want to help people and this is the best way and why I haven't thought of this before blows my mind.  I think it might be because my mother scared me out of being a nurse but not because she's an amazing one but she feels she should have gone on with her career, taken it to a new level.  I'm excited to know what I want to do now I just have to get it.  I'm working like crazy to make sure that this happens.  I recently had an interview for biolife, which I hope I land this job because it would be amazing not only for myself but also for helping me get into the nursing profession.

I need to get back in touch with everyone concerning FIMRC because there is so much possibility for us this year.  I'm excited that I'm going to be back for a full year and that I can be there with this group for all the activities I had planned in the spring.  There's something about helping people that makes life so worth it.  There are days that I get down and I feel like a failure, but I feel like I'm on a good path. 

As far as the rest of my life.  Socially I feel like I've drifted a bit from my friends but we are all so busy with jobs, lives, and relationships that I feel we have lost time for eachother.  It's good though, the fact that we are all growing up, having jobs and having relationships.  I'm glad that I myself have something of a relationship going.  I'm extremely happy and it makes me happy everyday that I wake up knowing that something good has been happening in my life.  Having no arguments, no "yelling" disagreements and a shared love of food makes things easy.  I can't remember the last time things in life were easy but this is.  There is such little expectation and a lot of fun.  As I sat in an amazing bath tonight I realized that I'm so much different than a year ago and especially from two years ago.  I feel that if my exes saw me today they'd rethink alot of what happened between me and them good and bad.  But that's a good thing for me.  I'm changing, evolving and becoming the person I really want to be.  I'm in something good, I have good things happening for myself in school and career wise.  It scares me a bit because I'll admit that I'm just waiting for something to go wrong.  Whether it is with school and getting financial aid or not getting this new job, life just makes me nervous.  I've been seeing this guy for about a month and a half and I'm just waiting for that moment that he either wakes up and realizes this isn't what he wants or I somehow talk myself out of it.  So far neither has happened.  A friend from high school recently passed away.  She was a year younger and it makes me realize how fragile life is and that I really need to stop self sabotaging.  It is no good for me and even worse for those around me.  I'm going to let the good come and handle the bad as it presents itself.  I'll question things from time to time and not know what to do about a lot of hard things but I'll survive, I'll get through them and I'll try to make the best of everything.  It is sad because I'm going to be gone for a long period of time from the guy I'm seeing yet I'm so excited to catch up with really old friends, new friends, and get to experience the few things I've looked forward to all summer.  I'm drinking life in in many different ways! 

Awkward Facebook Day

So today was an odd day.  I feel like I saw at least three people I went to high school with with their wedding pictures up from last weekend.  I saw a guy I considered dating get engaged to his gf of what seemed like a very short time.  I get this weird feeling seeing all of this blowing up on my page.  I sit there and think I'm so glad that's not me and I have no feeling of needing to be at that point in my life.  I'm glad that it didn't happen and this realization took a long time to come to.  I'm extremely happy with my life even though at times it gets frustrating.  I like definitions, I like to have a title or not to have a title but at least know where the lines are drawn.  Yet, I think about it and I don't want to ever push someone to define something that is going so well.  I fear that if I push it'll just ruin it all, however, myself keeps saying "push, you want to know".  So what do you do?  I'm making a change and I'm just going to go with it.  I'm happy and that should be all that matters.  I'm sitting at home tonight dogsitting, watching How I Met Your Mother and I can't help but laugh.  They're talking about change and as we get older it's inevitable. 
I have changed so much not just in the last two years but in the last couple of months.  I figured out my next move in life, Nursing School.  I just know that I have one thing that I really want to do in my life and that is to help people. I realized how much I missed Nicaragua and how much I want to go back there and be able to contribute in a huge way.  I want my life to be adventurous and fun and with absolutely no regrets.  I want to find someone who wants that same thing and wants to share that with me.  I'm making this happen with or without someone.  The one thing my mother always wanted was to make sure that my sister and I were independent.  While my sister may not be, I am and I will make the things I want to happen happen.