Easter Weekend

After a great weekend with the family back home I find myself standing outside with one of the two dogs my parents have.  As I wait for him to do his business I take a moment and just listen to the crickets and look up at the stars.  It is amazing how the stars are so clear down here, how it is so easy to get lost in their amazing beauty. 

As I head into the last three weeks of school, I am anxious, nervous, stressed, and feeling a bit lost.  I feel like school is the last thing on my mind and that all of my other priorities, jobs, CNA training, getting into the phlebotomy program at St. Kates, registering for classes in the fall, moving, etc, are getting in my way.  I am however extremely excited for graduation.  I will be the very last person to be announced at graduation because I am a multiple major and a W.  Hopefully that will not be awkward.  My ex-boyfriend is also graduating at the same time, luckily not his current girlfriend.  I am excited to be there with some of my good friends along side of me, it is nice to see all that I've accomplished and be recognized for it.  It's been a long and fast two years.  I'm ready for the next chapter of my life even though I have not quite gotten into school yet.  I am on the way to greater things and our 5 year highschool reunion is approaching.  I feel completely out of touch with these people and to be honest they are a part of my past that right now I want to keep in my past.  Debating on whether or not to go still.  

This upcoming week involves a lot of great people, great food, fun times, and a lot of hard work!  I'm excited about this new job I started but am finding it hard to have those at my old job let go of me so that I can start full time at this new job.  I can't wait for things to be past me and for only the good times, relaxation, and working to begin.  I am truly excited for this new chapter, turning a new leaf, and starting something completely unventured by myself.  I plan to live every day to the fullest, take time to thank those in my life, take time to appreciate the small things, and take time to see everything around me that is good!

Turning a New Leaf

April 10, 2011.  This seems like a good time to take a glance at my life, the things I'm doing wrong, the things I want to do, the things I am currently doing, and those that are important to me.  I realize that I participate in behaviors that I'm not necessarily proud of.  I think that in the last two years I have explored all the things I feel like I may have missed or not participated in from the beginning of college to end of Junior year.  During this time the focus of  my life was not school, it was not my famliy, and it was not myself, it was every single need of my boyfriend. 

Soon the trees will begin to grow new leaves and be full of life again.  It's time to make a change for good.  It's time for me to focus on me and only me.  My family, my friends, people I work with, and those I just meet take up a lot of my time and focus.  I rarely get time to focus on just me.  It's my turn.  I'll still be there for everyone and I will always worry about them, but I need to think about myself and be selfish for a bit. 

Life is starting to come together so I feel it's a good time to reevaluate and make some changes.  I'm ready for this new chapter of my life that I've been talking about.  I'm kind of ready to remake myself and be happy like I was for a short time a year and a half ago.  Having a new outlook on things (even though I've said it many times) I finally feel like I can make this happen for me.  I want to make a change, I want my life to go in the direction I've always imagined, and I'm finally to the point where I'm ready to make these things come true for myself. 

How to get rid of all the unnecessary

How do you get rid of the things in your life that you feel are so unnecessary yet there is something about your personality that tries to make everything alright.  I woke up this morning thinking this day is great, it's sunny out, I'm going out with friends to see a movie, and then I'm going to be playing a ton of volleyball with some great people.  All of the suddent I'm in between an argument with my sister and my mother which I think I helped both see how they were right and wrong and how to get through the problem and come out on the other side with both being happy.  I also find out my dad after working for the store he has been at for over 35 years is telling him he's not doing a good enough job and making him drive a half hour for less pay to another store.  I don't know what it is about me but I automatically feel bad for people when they get bad news or have to go through something hard.  It's not only feeling bad for them but me also taking the grief, pressure, stress, and emotions on for them.  Maybe it's a character flaw, maybe it's a flawed personality or maybe I'm just too weak.  When I finally got over all of that I went out to NE Minneapolis to pick up a prescription and while I'm standing in the candy aisle looking for stuff to get for the movie and trying to remember what kind of candy everyone likes so I can get some for everyone I get a text saying that one person who is coming to the movie doesn't want me to go.  That one person I have no idea what I did to him to ever make him dislike me.  I have never been mean to him even though he has done everything to put people against me.  It's funny because we started out our friendship with him being great, I was a great friend to him, we were a lot a like, and occassionally he'd try to push that friendship boundary.  But I never judged him, I never disliked him for the way he was, I was really understanding, and I tried to look past all the bad things, yet he for some reason can't grow up.  I don't know why I keep associating myself with these types of people.  Maybe it's because I know that they're capable of good and maybe I feel I can take the heat for the time being and just be the punching bag.  But when I get to such a low point in my day I try to think of what the point was or what the worth in it was, that's when I begin to realize there was none.  Some people, or groups of people, just don't know when to grow up, take the higher road, and move on with life.  I've tried to so hard to be there for these people and I just get slapped in the face. 

I'd like to say from now that I'm going to not associate with these types of people and that I'm going to just move on.  But I know that I will continue to try and be that friend to them even when they do things that are wrong.  Even last night my persistance showed me that this outlook and way of acting does work out sometimes.  I had a few incidents with one of the girls in the group and I have forgiven and moved past the incidents and last night was a great time.  Sometimes I feel that God tries to reward me for my patience and persistence.  Perhaps it is all worth it.  But there are days where I feel like I just want to sink away.  Today it is beautiful out and I can't let one silly person who is a known "not so nice" person get me down.  I'm being the bigger person and I'm going to look past it.   

Spring is in the Air!

I'm so happy that the days are finally getting longer and the weather is finally getting warmer with of course the spring rain.  I'll take the rain over the snow at this point.  It makes work a lot easier when I don't have to go out and clean off tons of cars.  Life is a bit hectic at the moment.  On one hand I'm excited and joyful over graduating May 14th, 2011, however, the fear begins to set in not because oh no I have to find a job but more so because I have to start paying my loans.  Reapplying to school is stressful and will be out of the way in a few months.  I hope to become  CNA so that I can get a job in the hospital and have more patient care experience which will help me in the end with getting into PA school.  In the meantime I guess I'll wait until I hear back from schools and continue to work and take a few more classes. 

The Foundation for International Medical Relief group has finally taken off and we're on the road to making this group a much better one.  We have events planned for this Spring, Summer, and even next Fall.  We are planning our trip for Winter Break 2011.  I'm excited because we added two new group members and hope to recruit many more over orientation weekend.  I'm excited and nervous because being President of a group is hard to do and it's really stressful and everyone looks to you for answers; at the same time I'm excited to be in such a position that I have the respect of those I work with and I also have the ability to manage others well and divide work.  It's exciting but I wish this would have been what it was like for me Freshman year when I had four years ahead of me and all the time in the world to do it.  I guess that's why they say hindsight is always 20/20. 

I'm hopeful for the future.  I am excited to move onto the next chapter of my life.  Who knows who I'll meet, be with, or say good bye to.  What I know is that I have a core group of amazing friends and I will forever have the support of my amazing family that I hope to one day repay them for everything they have done for me.