What If?

I've learned recently or at least I've taken into more consideration the fact that I say What If a lot.  What if things don't work out? What if I don't feel this way anymore? What if I lose something good? What if I'm turning away that person who is better for me? What If What If What If???  I'm trying to change.  I'm breaking down my walls, being 100% honest about everything and not saying What If.  I get that I will from time to time say it in my head but I'm not going to let it affect my decisions I make now.  I'm living in the moment and at the moment I'm more happy than I have ever been with anyone.  I can't remember the last time I smiled this much, laughed this much or felt this much for another person.  I'll admit that I love to plant a little jealousy seed when I can but always with reassurance that I'm not that type of person.  This is the first time I've been 100% honest about everything and extremely upfront.  I smile when I go to bed and I wake up with a smile on.  It's too soon to think into the future on this one but what I can do is say that I'm the happiest I have ever been and I want it to continue and that I look forward to what is to come.  I'm finally getting some sort of happiness that I have sought for a long time now. 

Confused

This past week has been pretty amazing as far as friends, activities, and work goes.  However, my family front is a little rough.  I feel like we worked so hard to move on from how things were when I was in high school and I feel like we are back there once again.  I wish my mother would realize how much worry I have on my mind, how much I'm concerned with money and how I'm going to get everything done and where it is I'm going with my life.  I've had a hard time dealing with the constant comments that are known to drive me up the wall.  I need her to realize I get it, I always have, when I have I shown you any reason to think that I don't understand things?  It's been a rough afternoon following a great night and morning. 

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
Courage to change the things I can
and Wisdom to know the difference

I guess this is a good test though.  I need to handle this situation differently than I would have in the past.   

What a weekend

So far this summer I haven't had a horrible weekend, I guess unless you count in the fact my car no longer works, but I'm getting a new, old one YAY!  This weekend was great!  Nick's birthday was on Friday night and we tried out the new Sgt Prestons....Republic....Nice place if you want to chill, have a sophisticated conversation, and try some really good beers.  However, we were in dancing mode so we made our way to Legends and made it our own party.  Had a lot of good drinks with friends and some awesome dancing!  Saturday it was a chill day by the pool did some grilling and had some drinks and played games.  Overall a great night except for having to wake up at 9:30 AM to let my aunt show the house which meant everything had to be cleaned.  But went back to bed until 2:00 PM.  And then for Sunday I had one of the best days I have had in a while.  I got to spend it with someone that has my current interest.  Had some Chinese food on the couch and watched movies the entire afternoon.  It was a completely awesome day and some fun that I haven't had in a while.  However, it did suck because pretty positive I got maybe an hour of sleep and then worked from 6:30 AM-3:00 PM, played 6 games of volleyball and then by the time I got home it was 10:00.  Now I'm showered, had some fruit for dinner, took some allergy medicine to hopefully get rid of the horrible allergies I've experienced all day and get some sleep before work again.  I'm really looking forward to the days and weeks ahead with my good friends and some really awesome new ones.  Things might be looking up for myself.