Changes

In the past 5 months my life has changed so much.  I have found someone when I least expected it.  This person came into my life and has made me a much different person.  We share so many things together but most of all volleyball. I have come to realize that the past 8 years I have been kidding myself and pretending to be happy because the people I was around the those I dated loved me more when I was happy.  Putting a smile on my face and masking my emotions was what I learned to do best and even tricked myself into thinking I was happy.  For the first time in a long time I can say I am truly happy and that no one has ever made me this happy.  For the first time last week I admitted that I was in love and that I wasn't afraid of it but cautious.  I'm excited for the Holiday season and getting to spend some of the most important times of the year with someone I care so deeply for.  I am excited to see where the next 6 months take me.  School is up in the air, my relationship is growing, my friend network is growing, my family is finally all on the same page and I feel like some peace is coming into my life. 

This month was the month of things I am grateful for...these are things I am grateful for:
1. My family
2. My amazing boyfriend
3. The health of myself and family
4. Renewal of my faith
5. My amazing Friends, New and Old
6. Having a great apartment
7. Having not only one job but two
8. Everything I have in my life

Soo Long

It has been quite some time since the last time I have sat down and blogged.  Life has been crazy.  I finally quit my job at Fleet, still have my job in the Lab and now work for ACR Homes.  I'm excited and scared at the same time.  I hope that school work gets done and that I get good grades but I just have to work harder than I have up to now.  As far as the rest of my life it's been amazing.  Josh is an amazing person who treats me so well.  Currently I found out that my old boyfriend is moving to Michigan with his girflriend.  I'm happy for him I just hope that he makes Michigan for himself not his girlfriend.  He means the world to me and always will but Josh is the first person to make me not think about him almost ever.  I couldn't have asked for a better person.  With school and work he knows how busy I am and does all that he can to help me relieve stress.  I'm excited because we are hosting a volleyball tournament for FIMRC which should hopefully be a good fundraiser.  I love that we share volleyball, I love having something active in common that we can do together.  Well it's late, and I have to be up early but I figured a quick update was necessary.  Life is busy and crazy but I'm happier and more stressed than I have ever been!

Bath Time

It's been a while since I've written.  I feel like in a matter of 20 days my entire life has changed courses.  I officially want to go on to receive my masters for Nursing and then go on to become a DNP.  I just know that I want to help people and this is the best way and why I haven't thought of this before blows my mind.  I think it might be because my mother scared me out of being a nurse but not because she's an amazing one but she feels she should have gone on with her career, taken it to a new level.  I'm excited to know what I want to do now I just have to get it.  I'm working like crazy to make sure that this happens.  I recently had an interview for biolife, which I hope I land this job because it would be amazing not only for myself but also for helping me get into the nursing profession.

I need to get back in touch with everyone concerning FIMRC because there is so much possibility for us this year.  I'm excited that I'm going to be back for a full year and that I can be there with this group for all the activities I had planned in the spring.  There's something about helping people that makes life so worth it.  There are days that I get down and I feel like a failure, but I feel like I'm on a good path. 

As far as the rest of my life.  Socially I feel like I've drifted a bit from my friends but we are all so busy with jobs, lives, and relationships that I feel we have lost time for eachother.  It's good though, the fact that we are all growing up, having jobs and having relationships.  I'm glad that I myself have something of a relationship going.  I'm extremely happy and it makes me happy everyday that I wake up knowing that something good has been happening in my life.  Having no arguments, no "yelling" disagreements and a shared love of food makes things easy.  I can't remember the last time things in life were easy but this is.  There is such little expectation and a lot of fun.  As I sat in an amazing bath tonight I realized that I'm so much different than a year ago and especially from two years ago.  I feel that if my exes saw me today they'd rethink alot of what happened between me and them good and bad.  But that's a good thing for me.  I'm changing, evolving and becoming the person I really want to be.  I'm in something good, I have good things happening for myself in school and career wise.  It scares me a bit because I'll admit that I'm just waiting for something to go wrong.  Whether it is with school and getting financial aid or not getting this new job, life just makes me nervous.  I've been seeing this guy for about a month and a half and I'm just waiting for that moment that he either wakes up and realizes this isn't what he wants or I somehow talk myself out of it.  So far neither has happened.  A friend from high school recently passed away.  She was a year younger and it makes me realize how fragile life is and that I really need to stop self sabotaging.  It is no good for me and even worse for those around me.  I'm going to let the good come and handle the bad as it presents itself.  I'll question things from time to time and not know what to do about a lot of hard things but I'll survive, I'll get through them and I'll try to make the best of everything.  It is sad because I'm going to be gone for a long period of time from the guy I'm seeing yet I'm so excited to catch up with really old friends, new friends, and get to experience the few things I've looked forward to all summer.  I'm drinking life in in many different ways! 

Awkward Facebook Day

So today was an odd day.  I feel like I saw at least three people I went to high school with with their wedding pictures up from last weekend.  I saw a guy I considered dating get engaged to his gf of what seemed like a very short time.  I get this weird feeling seeing all of this blowing up on my page.  I sit there and think I'm so glad that's not me and I have no feeling of needing to be at that point in my life.  I'm glad that it didn't happen and this realization took a long time to come to.  I'm extremely happy with my life even though at times it gets frustrating.  I like definitions, I like to have a title or not to have a title but at least know where the lines are drawn.  Yet, I think about it and I don't want to ever push someone to define something that is going so well.  I fear that if I push it'll just ruin it all, however, myself keeps saying "push, you want to know".  So what do you do?  I'm making a change and I'm just going to go with it.  I'm happy and that should be all that matters.  I'm sitting at home tonight dogsitting, watching How I Met Your Mother and I can't help but laugh.  They're talking about change and as we get older it's inevitable. 
I have changed so much not just in the last two years but in the last couple of months.  I figured out my next move in life, Nursing School.  I just know that I have one thing that I really want to do in my life and that is to help people. I realized how much I missed Nicaragua and how much I want to go back there and be able to contribute in a huge way.  I want my life to be adventurous and fun and with absolutely no regrets.  I want to find someone who wants that same thing and wants to share that with me.  I'm making this happen with or without someone.  The one thing my mother always wanted was to make sure that my sister and I were independent.  While my sister may not be, I am and I will make the things I want to happen happen. 

What If?

I've learned recently or at least I've taken into more consideration the fact that I say What If a lot.  What if things don't work out? What if I don't feel this way anymore? What if I lose something good? What if I'm turning away that person who is better for me? What If What If What If???  I'm trying to change.  I'm breaking down my walls, being 100% honest about everything and not saying What If.  I get that I will from time to time say it in my head but I'm not going to let it affect my decisions I make now.  I'm living in the moment and at the moment I'm more happy than I have ever been with anyone.  I can't remember the last time I smiled this much, laughed this much or felt this much for another person.  I'll admit that I love to plant a little jealousy seed when I can but always with reassurance that I'm not that type of person.  This is the first time I've been 100% honest about everything and extremely upfront.  I smile when I go to bed and I wake up with a smile on.  It's too soon to think into the future on this one but what I can do is say that I'm the happiest I have ever been and I want it to continue and that I look forward to what is to come.  I'm finally getting some sort of happiness that I have sought for a long time now. 

Confused

This past week has been pretty amazing as far as friends, activities, and work goes.  However, my family front is a little rough.  I feel like we worked so hard to move on from how things were when I was in high school and I feel like we are back there once again.  I wish my mother would realize how much worry I have on my mind, how much I'm concerned with money and how I'm going to get everything done and where it is I'm going with my life.  I've had a hard time dealing with the constant comments that are known to drive me up the wall.  I need her to realize I get it, I always have, when I have I shown you any reason to think that I don't understand things?  It's been a rough afternoon following a great night and morning. 

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
Courage to change the things I can
and Wisdom to know the difference

I guess this is a good test though.  I need to handle this situation differently than I would have in the past.   

What a weekend

So far this summer I haven't had a horrible weekend, I guess unless you count in the fact my car no longer works, but I'm getting a new, old one YAY!  This weekend was great!  Nick's birthday was on Friday night and we tried out the new Sgt Prestons....Republic....Nice place if you want to chill, have a sophisticated conversation, and try some really good beers.  However, we were in dancing mode so we made our way to Legends and made it our own party.  Had a lot of good drinks with friends and some awesome dancing!  Saturday it was a chill day by the pool did some grilling and had some drinks and played games.  Overall a great night except for having to wake up at 9:30 AM to let my aunt show the house which meant everything had to be cleaned.  But went back to bed until 2:00 PM.  And then for Sunday I had one of the best days I have had in a while.  I got to spend it with someone that has my current interest.  Had some Chinese food on the couch and watched movies the entire afternoon.  It was a completely awesome day and some fun that I haven't had in a while.  However, it did suck because pretty positive I got maybe an hour of sleep and then worked from 6:30 AM-3:00 PM, played 6 games of volleyball and then by the time I got home it was 10:00.  Now I'm showered, had some fruit for dinner, took some allergy medicine to hopefully get rid of the horrible allergies I've experienced all day and get some sleep before work again.  I'm really looking forward to the days and weeks ahead with my good friends and some really awesome new ones.  Things might be looking up for myself.